My Weight Story part 1

I think the moment has come now, i think i was denying myself i have to do this eventually, sooo, as you already now i have never been what you can call a "thin" person, but sometimes i have been heavier than other times, (altough i am in my heavier now), i was kind of beautiful when i was 13, in fact some people i would keep away from me has told me that i was prettier when i was slimmer, one guy who swears he sees me as his little sister, told me "you are so fat, every girl in you house has had her time to be beautiful, you were the last beautiful one, but now you are ugly too, do you want me to pay for your gym subscription?" and the worst thing was that he was serious, and the second person told me, "you are really fat now, you were slimmer, weren't you slimmer?, anyway you still good you know?", i didn't know how to react to that so i said "yeaaaah, as you say", as i have already mentioned, i moved to another neighborhood, because my parents were owners of a property in there,  my parents also had a bussiness in our original neighborhood, but they decided that that property had to produce, so my mother, humberto, Diana, and i went whit my mom, and my dad stayed at the business already established, so i had to get in a new school, and i was bullied in there for a guy named "marcos" and almost half my class, but well,  i'll bring that topic later, the thing is that i passed the awfulest time of my life in there, my dad got a slight depression, and he wasn't eating, so my mom had to took care of him and she would go to see him every weekend, so eventually that business broke, and my mom went to live whit my dad again, but i couldn't go because i had to finish my scool year, and obviously i couldn't stay alone i was 14, so Humberto and Diana, lived whit me in the meanwhile, my brother had an awful mood, and Diana who i was so close to, started to abandon me, because she met a boy "Andres" (her current husband), so she would work all day,  and come home at night, and in the exact second she got home, Andres was coming behind her, so we never talk again, at least no as we use to, so i felt the most lonely that i have never feel in my life, and we could never get back our wonderful relationship, and mostly now that she has a 5 months baby, so she started to not eat right, and things got so bad that she would only take a beverage at night, and not to have a breakfast, she didn't brush her teeth anymore, and she couldn't laugh because she would throw up, so eventually, she became  really, really thin, and all the family was so worried, and about me i wanted to enter to the school's voleyball team, but i couldn't, first of all because i became shy and insecure, and second of all, because there was too much violence and Humberto wouldn't let me out, i mean at 3:00 in the afternoon, could perfectly start a gunfire, so as you already imagine, we didn't live quiet at  all, even my mood whit my brother changed. So i could wake up at 5:00 am, go to school, at 6:00 'til 12:30, (altough, almost always we could go at 10:00 am or earlier, because there was danger, or because there was not teachers because for some reason the principal would stolen the school resources you know?) sooo, yeah, i could go to my house to eat not very healthy foods, and sleep all day 'til, 6 at night, and started to organize my house, and around 8 at night, would come Andres and Diana, and they would talk, all night, and i could watch tv all night, 'till 11:00 pm i think or later, and most part of the time Diana would go to bed later than me, and she had to wake up at 5:00 am as me, so the lack of food and sleep, became her too thin, sick thin for her height, well and that is the short story, as a conclusion it was the bitterest time of my life, even when i could go to visit my parents every weekend, it wasn't the same that being whit them, that lasts 'til finals of november and we could finally be together again. so let me show you a picture, from that time of my life.

i am the one whit the yellow blouse, and Diana is the one whit the green one, so as you see i could have been slimmer, if i would have take care of myself, but i didn't, and oh yeah, i wore glasses since i was around 10 but this year i got contacts, tought i have braces sooo, yeap, but you know what?, i don't have any problem whit that, soo that is all the story i can tell now, soo now i will write two graphics stories of mine.

FIRST ONE;

when i took this picture i was whit my friends, at the "juan pablo ii park" that is near to rionegro's airport (medellin's airport), we were seeing "camila, the giant doll" you could study the body inside, i mean organs and everything, it was very cool and funny, i love them, and i really like to be whit them, but we don't see each other as much now, but well, i was happy that day, that was days after we graduated from high school.

SECOND ONE: 

That was a beautiful day, mostly, we were in "parque explora" in medellin of course, we went with teachers and my classmates, we pass a lovable time, but as always i felt like i didn't fit in, you know?, i dont remember if i washed my hair that day, or if i put on makeup, but wait a minute

i took this picture, the same day, she is yurany, and i loved it, but then i took this one too,

and i felt so ugly and ridiculous, because form my point of view, yurany was one thousand times prettier than me, yes i know, i can't stop comparing myself to other people.

so well this is part one the next time i will post the second part of the story. bye.

"if you are tired of start from the beginning, stop quiting."

My love story

Well, Hello, me again, so in this occasion i want to evokate my story, i was never what you can call a "thin" person, but i hadn't been the heavier neither, as i said in the last post, everything started in my childhood, and the very first time i liked a boy, i was between 5 and 8 years, his name is adahir, but he liked my best friend manuela, and they became boyfriends, but for some reason he had my inicials in one of his notebooks, (yacv), in really pretty letters, but someone told me that, he didn't let me see his notebook to check haha, the second time, it happened when i was 10 and i liked a boy name "anderson guevara", and i told one of my friends (sofia), that i was sure he liked me, and then when she went to ask him, she told him "do you like yeni?" (because my name is yeni alejandra), and then he told her "who is yeni?", he didn't even know who i was, i felt ridiculous, and then in my school had an broadcasting station, and we could send messages, we were on our break, and then in the broadcasting station  i heard a voice that said "jennifer i love you, att: anderson guevara" (jennifer was a girl from my group of friends) and yep, it happened again, now she is my age, and she has a baby, i don't know how old is him and as an aditional information i never knew anything else from manuela, but well, let's follow, after that, i had a friend that was whit me only for convenience, her name is "heidi" and she made a lot of bad comments of me, once she told me that my nose didn't combine whit my face, another time she told me that my sister "Diana" was stupid, that my brother "Humberto" was an ogre, and that my mom was a gossipy woman sooo eventually that "friendship" ended, and btw, she also has a baby already, and she is also my age,but the thing is that she is really pretty too, she has a georgeous skin, an amazing curly hair, pretty eyes and pretty face of course, the only thing was her teeth, they were a little twisted, but later she had braces.

the next one was another friend of mine "manuela", another manuela, i met her when i was 13, she was thin and beatiful too, she came from the coast and she was really humble when i met her, she was really easygoing, but later in time she realized that she was beautiful (because she has an awesome hair, and beatiful skin) and she became really annoying, and the way she walked was really different in a very very bad way, and we separated when i moved away, so for that time i liked two guys, jefferson and daniel, both of them were like 15  or 16 or 17 i don't know, daniel seemed to like me, he is white, blonde, and green eyes, and jefferson is swarthy, black and curly haired and he has brown eyes, Daniel seemed to like my sister Diana, because she took the bus in the time of our break, outside the school , and he always went out, i think that he liked too see her, he told one of my friends that he liked me, at the end of the year, but he had a girlfriend, we never talked to each other for more than 2 minutes, it was only once (he talked to me  only once, nothing important of course) i think, soo after the end of that year i was moving to another neighborhood, i was going on saturday, but life happens, and i went on friday, after that i knew that he went to my house, to talk whit me, on saturday,  awful right?, but well who would have known, maybe it was for the best, and about jefferson well, what can i say he had a big big big, crush on my sister diana, there is no reason to be surprised, my sister is georgeous, and almost everyone has taken the obligation of letting me know that,  after that when i was 17 i got in college (freshman year), and i meet a boy at the gym his name is "bryan" and i have a friend named "yesenia", she has THEE, body: small waist, big butt, nice legs, you know, and guess what, he had a crush on her too, sooo, yeap, and before that guy, there was this guy "felipe" i called him "my future husband" and he liked my sister too, AKWAAARD, i have only had two boyfriends, one when i was 9,i use to hangout whit his parents all the time, his name is "darwin" and he is one year younger than me, and he doesn't like to study at all, and the other one is named "duvan" but them had something in common, we didn't talk too much, or salute each other, and we never gave each other a kiss, yep, i have never been kissed hahah, at least i'm only 18 right?, hahha almost nothing hahha. but they were most part little crushes, i have never been in love, you can't fall in love whit someone you don't talk to, they were all just attractions, the most important ones were daniel and jefferson, because they were like my teenage dreams, you know?

and in this moment i don't like anybody, i only find interesting one guy, i don't know his name, and i don't talk to him neither, but i think he is handsome and i like his style, that is something like this,

 yes, i know i have a big crush on m. shadows, maybe my brain unconsciously, made the similarity, and that is why i like him, altough i think he is a hardcore fan, because he has m. shadows haircut you know?

he is just another crush (the guy (he is from college btw)), but i am sure he doesn't notice me at all, nevermind is not a big deal, it will eventually go away, as everybody else.

Now i would like to tell you a story about this picture:

it is pixeled i know, it was taken whit a web cam.

I took this picture the day i turned 15, but i wasn't happy neither, and i don't like to look at the past and knowing that i have never been happy, and i don't want to not being happy, for the rest of my life.

sooo as a conclusion i am in love whit my studies, altough it is an impossible love, he doesn't love me as much as i do, and he makes me suffer so bad haha.

PD: This is Diana:

bye.

Life and tastes

Well, well, so here I go again, i really didn't feel like writing at all today , but i have realized that i have to because i want to know as well, what was the root of the problem so let's start.

I Really like rock, my favorites bands are avenged sevenfold, three days grace, evanescence, SOA,  among others, but im a little cheesy too, at the moment i'm in love with FOB's album, save the rock and roll, oh and i also love adele, and demi lovato, she  is an inspiration, i like the way both of them think, i love adele's voice, songs and lyrics, and i like demi lovato's music, but not as much as his personality, she is really mature, and i love her style as well. But i can't deny that i have guilty pleasures as every human being does, i like some katy perry's, rihanna's, and miley cyrus songs among anothers, but the truly truth hahah, is that i listen to music depending on my mood, for example, i like some passenger and capital cities songs or slipknot and bullet for my valentine a little bit, you know it depends on how i feel at the moment.

Avenged sevenfold: I can say i absolutely love this band, it is my all time favorite band, the vocalist is a georgeous man whit an incredible voice, the rev was an amazingly talented drummer hear "almost easy"  if you want, that my friends was amazing", "synister" is for me the most awesome, guitarist i have ever heard, he plays incredibly fast, zacky and johnny are also veeeery talented, and i specially love johnny's personality.

Three days grace: It is a band that i really like too, I specially love their songs,  animal i have become and "riot" ,  but off course it is impossible choosing an favorite song of them, they are too good to be true.

Evanescence: It is a band that in some way i feel really related to, that whitout mentioning that i started to like this kind of music and related genders, i think amy lee is amazingly talented and that she has an  unreal beauty.

SOA: I think  they are awesome and i love serj tankian's gestures, and i seriously admire the way he thinks about violence an politics topics.

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FOB: It is stupid to say that i always loved patrick stump, the vocalist, because it is obvious, i really mean it (always), he has an incredible vocal range, he is extraordinary and for me really sweet. although i don't agree whit some of them songs, there are ones that are too comercial for my taste.

btw, i love a quote in one of them songs, "the person you would take a bullet for is behind the trigger", from the "miss missing you"  song, of course from the save the rock and roll album.

and the other quote "you are what you love, not who loves you" from the "save the rock and roll".

ADELE: She has everyhing  i love, she is secure, she doesn't mind what people have to say about her, she has an angelic voice, she likes to live and sing her feelings, she is not comercial, she is authentic, and OMG, i cannot describe how i looooove her laugh, it's amazing hahaha, and the thing that i love the most about her besides her lyrics and amazing sound, is the way she thinks.

i specially love her song "daydreamer":

btw, i love her body shape and height.

Demi Lovato: Her body positivity story is unbelievably captivating, i admire her, and it's not necessary to mention that i love her style, hair, make up (most part of the time) and body shape as well, although there are some song that are also too comercial for my taste, but one of my favorite songs by her is "Skyscraper",.

Well, and let's leave this topic like this because i think it will be really long if i don't stop now, there are a lot of music that  i like, i could absolutely say that i am a music lover, maybe we can bring the topic again in another  occasion

changing the topic:

I have three friends from high school who i appreciate a lot, two of them are named sara, and is really bizarre, because they are so different hahaha, one of them is taller (1.73 meters), and the other one is petit (1,55 meters), so we know the taller one  as "sarota", and the petit one as "sarita", it's like saying "big sara and little sara", and the third one is yurany, she was my best friend, and i think she is still, I still being "close" friend  whit sarota and yurany, i mean i see them like one or twice a year, but i haven't seen sarita since 2012, she seems to be really "busy" all the time sooo, well the thing is that i always felt like i didn't fit in whit them, at least whit sarota and yurany, because sarota is tall, thin, and beatiful, besides she is a great friend, warm and amusing person, and yurany was way shorter than her, but yurany was also thin and beatiful, and i have never considered myself as beatiful, they always said they didn't know how was possible i wasn't be able to see myself as they did, i really didn't see the qualities they said i had, but well, that's the story of my life, Sarita was veeery self-conscious as well, but she was flirty, and happier than me.

My problem is in my head, because my friends are always waaaay prettier than me, i feel like the ugly duck most part of the time i'm in public whit them, since i was little i always was whit the pretiest girls and let's say that the popular ones, and never feel like fitting in  whit them, although i really liked them, them personality, and all about them, but i'm simply crazy, that is what  i think hahah.

They always said i was beatiful, and i could say most part of the people that surrounded me thinks i'm waaaay too intelligent, they say i'm brilliant, but i have never valued what i have had, sooo yeah.

 I think everything began when i was 5, and one of my most annoying aunts told me that i weighed more than a gas pipette, that is something like this, one of them:

Soooo thaat, for a little girl that loved the barbie's dolls wasn't something pretty to hear, so i started thinking since that age that i was fat and ugly, even tought i was one of the bests students, and my best friend at the moment "manuela"  taught me how to read and writing because at that moment my mom had depression and she couldn't take care of me, and when she was better, and she was willing to teach me  i already knew, haha that was awesome. 

but as i told you i never valued my good things.

so here i will introduce you my friends:

"Sarota"

"Yurany"

"sarita"

and this is a groupal picture, although sarota is missing:

PD: "i am the one in the middle, obviously i was slimmer but i tought i was fat, and now that i'm obese i wish i was that fat haha, that is my life, a circle of nostalgia and regret, and i'm not sure if i'm the only one but i'm constantly wishing to return time, to do everything different, but i'm trying to do something to not be regreted for the rest of my life."

- in the next post i will try to write about my story referent to weight, or at least i'll try, see you.

"if you don't make your biggest effort, ¿how will you know where is your limit?"

Is It too late?

Hello!

This blog won't be fancy at all, or at least is not what i expect at the moment, so let's get started, why don't you know me a little?.

My name is alejandra, but for purposes of my dreams, call me Alex, i sweared that one day when i go to a country where the englis language is spoken, i will introduce myself like alex, so well, following, I'm 18 years old, I'm from Colombia, I am in college, i study systems engineering, and I'll be in the 5th level for february (2015),  I love  english language, so one of my goals whit this blog is to practice the language a little.

 I'm and obese person,(which is mainly why I wanted to create this blog) I weight 80 Kilos, and my height is 1.63 meters, I know I'm right in the edge for a dangerous disease so i wanted to discuss this thing whit you.

this is going to be a little bit of an egoistic blog, because is going to be like my diary, like something cathartic for me, but i want some people be able to know.

so here is the thing, i want to lose weight, and i want you to know that is not going to be all about it, because i must confese i love make up and clothes, and things.

So, we are in december 2014 the 20th to be precise, and i will start my journey at january 2015, and i want to lose 22 kilos, my weight goal is 58, but really is just because that is my ideal weight, i only want to know how does 58 feels like, and then I'll be in the weight, I am comfortable whit.

after those thing i told you before, i only want to introduce myself to you.

I'm sorry i don't have current pictures, this is a picture from when i was in high school, and i was way slimmer than i'm now, i weighed 66, or 63 kilos i think. but was unhappy either way, but that is a long story i will tell you in another post.

So nice to meet you too, see you later.